Thursday, May 17, 2012

six seasons and pretty much a movie: community finale liveblog!

what's this?  the teevee has a gift for us all?  and it's 90 minutes of community?!
why, that's sort-of-a-movie!
gif party!
and now, a liveblog (after the jump)!
7:53 - i just posted this!  hello, potential visitors!

7:57 - up first: digital estate planning.  that's right - the 16-bit video game episode is finally (almost) here!

8:00 - look! it's the gang! pierce got a letter from the executor of his father's estate. they're heading to an empty warehouse for a cheque. pierce was told to bring his seven closest friends. he brought 6. levar burton was a close maybe...

anyway, they're going to play a video game pierce's dad created back in 1979 when he tried to convince his dad about the viability of video games as an industry.

8:01 - avatars are made and we begin, all 16-bit style. (don't make me get semantic on why this is 16-bit! AND BADASS!)

8:02 - community, journey to the centre of hawkthorne! there's much humour about who looks like who (britta is so hilariously 90's-racist - colourblind, ya dig?), and the jump sound is from mario. they encounter a hippy.

"peace love, peace love"

he encounters annie and starts dry humping her.

i just want someone to love, dry hump, leave, and then brag about. (link)

jeff tries to help but kills annie by accident.
jeff is killed too, as he is attacked, but abed convinces the group the hang back and  "observe their tactics."

8:03 - oooh, it turns out none of them are dead. heh
respawning in the study room!


"pierce, point the joystick right." - annie
"oh, so i'm just supposed to guess?  where are the instructions?" - pierce.

8:04 - they're outside, and pierce's dad is telling us the story of silly pierce thinking video games were a better investment than moist towlettes. then he demeans pierce's friends ("pierce and all," "freaks and junkies" which leads pierce to hilariously defend britta). then he laughs and flys away. he was a head, by the way, after a while.

 pierce's dad appears in the sky like mufasa - only way less fatherly love and advice, and way more racism and bitterness.  (link)

"worst son ever!"

8:04 - the lawyer is back, and he's telling the gang that this isn't a co-op game.

"is he being ominous?"

8:05 - there's a major freak out as the group learns about pickups, and the crude nature of this game. turns out the lawyer is evil, and there's a plot development! the gang decides to work together.

8:05 - "you made throwing knives.  you can throw them."

8:06 - pierce's dad left a note.
"you can leave notes, this game is incredible." -abed.

8:06 - britta tries to assure pierce that they "can't lose because they're playing for friendship, and not greed."
she then kills him, because there's no hug button.

8:09 - hahaha "good pep talk, jeff." (annie)
"yeah, i used to really love dying but that speech really turned me around!" (shirley)
in response to jeff's pep talk: don't die.

i love the sprite animation on this cow.  pretty amusing!  but there was weird animation on a background lady sprite with very bouncy breasts.  disconcerting!
and the game is un-shockingly racist, as shirley points out (liberate the white crystal from the black caves).

8:10 - the lady character has information on a buttload of topics.
abed: "holy crap!  where have you been my whole life?"

hahahahaha annie is immolating that guy and putting out the fire with axes!  she is so vicious!

8:10 - now they're in the bar from the overlook hotel?


8:11 - britta straightens a painting, and it ends up being the key to getting to a secret area!  britta combat's jeff's gender essentialism with more essentialism.  yippee!  barf.

8:11 - shirley is panicking over the violence but annie assures her there are no consequences in video games.  then the blacksmith's wife comes running down the stairs and panics!  shirley kills her brutally, cleaning up annie's messes! she's going upstairs to check for more witnesses - this are annie's loose ends, shirley's just tying them up!

8:11 - abed is in love with the info-lady who ends up being the blacksmith's daughter!

8:12 - the hut is burning!  carnage everywhere!

8:12 - "he's shooting lightning and i'm naked!"

8:12 - "dammit!  i thought we could count on britta to not screw up drinking."

8:12 - uh-oh, now gilbert is totally destroyed by drinking britta's potion.  yay for greendale!  or whatever.

8:12 - gilbert just ran a cheat sequence from a terminal screen.  dun dun dun!

8:16 - commercials are over!  now abed is staying in the village to help hilda?  maybe?  rebuild her life.

8:16 - they pass "island of laziness" (which is offensively drawn up with tacos and sombreros) "gay island" and all sorts of horrible racism that britta can't believe will rub off on them.  but then!
"look out!  jive turkeys!  kill them before they start multiplying!"

8:17 - pierce finds a white crystal, which he will take, having earned it by virtue of having friends.

8:18 - "arrows!"


8:18 - BURN

8:18 - "do you remember your childhood nanny etta?  well, etta had a hot cousin.  my mother."

8:19 - oh no!  now he has the crystal and he's heading to the castle to win the game and the love of his father!  but can he win?  his father hated people of colour!

8:19 - i cant get enough of the sound effects.

8:20 - "why are all the trees cut down?" (of course britta notices this)
"isn't this abed's village?"
he's broken the game and made it all his own - he's figured out how to max out and control in-game characters and scenarios!  i was worried the village had been razed by gilbert.

8:20 - abed: "she can make babies for me."
troy: "oh, and i can't?!  ...i can't."

8:20 - oh no!  what a shock there - hawthorne senior is being a complete douchecanoe!  he actually used the word miscegenist!

8:21 - poor gilbert!  this is pretty hideous.  but hooray!  the teamworkers are shooting arrows at the floating head of assholery!

8:21 - "i bequeath my fortune to no inferiors!"

oh man!  there's a zeppelin, mechs (one of which is a t-rex), a helicopter, can this get any better?  hooray for the greendale seven!


"troy and abed shooting lava!

8:22 - and pierce just came riding in on a warhead!  bahahaha-yee-haw!

"i suppose you're wondering, why am i breathing weird?"  haha!

8:23 - i just made a fucking annie "aww!"
they all forfeited for gilbert!

aaaaand pierce is always carrying a gun - but not in the shower!

8:24 - this is really quite funny - and it seems the group is going out for yard-long margaritas!  gilbert's description and delivery of same is pretty golden.

fuck!  pierce is thrilled to have a brother - "settle a bet - the word mullato.  is it okay, or -?"

8:24 - and abed has come back for the game on a data stick!
"hilda, my love.  i said i'd come back for you."

final commercial break!

8:27 - a white baby?
and now troy and abed are choosing to raise it together, and having an emotional fight over the division of parenting labour!
they somehow manage to miss the mother, who was under the table retrieving a toy, and who rightly takes her baby and leaves.  the duo resumes their conversation about blorgons.
 i was kind of looking forward to troy and abed's take on the dumpster baby - which of course, said "coolcoolcool!"  (link)

8:30-ish - 30 minute break!  'cause we're waaaay done with 30 rock, kristen schaal notwithstanding.  coming up next, the first chang dynasty!

8:50 - ten minute warning! get some snacks, grab some drinks! today's liveblog is brought you you by KLB Raspberry Wheat Beer, Crazy Canuck by Great Lakes Brewery, and a seasonal sampler from Mill Street Brewery.

9:00 - 

hey, the group is back. they're trying to convince the cops there's a doppeldeaner (and not a deanelganger)!

britta "look! i hate cops!"

i like this cop.

"unfortunately love is not admissable evidence."

ha, he sings it into his phone. he's working on a cop opera



he tells them to stay away from greendale and thanks them for water.

9:01 - we're back at greendale the prison... or that's what it looks like. plans for a "CHANGSTRAVAGANZA" are being made. he rings for the "deanelchanger." heh. deanelchanger has to fire the custodial staff.

9:03 - "they're like telephones for your eyes" troy and britta are cute.
troy, britta and annie are doing some reconaissance.

9:03 - troy is meeting with dan bakkedahl.  to find out what the air conditioning school knows.
turns out a lot!
for instance, all of chang's defence systems, and where the real dean is.

holy wow. basically everything is on tight lock down!

"sorry it was very clear in my head" heh, the montage wasn't part of the story.

9:05 - "not a lot of people get a second chance, just you... and probably obama."
troy owes them for the information now. he owes them his registration at their school.
they'll help with the heist too. but troy will have to move, and give up the group...and the word sensational for some reason?

pierce thinks he'd make a good swami. he's off to get his turban.

"don't be melodramatic, troy. we just have to plan an elaborate heist."


9:09 - they're back, and spoofing a movie that might be one of those oceans movies.
"listen gang, keep an extra tight look out for the greendale seven. i won't have them ruining my 25th birthday" - chang.

9:10 - jeff breaks down their insanely elaborate heist. it's cool. and heisty.

shirley is a chef and makes a toilet jam

 troy and abed are plumbers, and look like bob hoskins and john leguizamo!


britta's on facebook with the head guard, and jeff is cancels the magician and annie infilitrated the army.

jeff is RICKY NIGHTSHADE and britta is his hot assistant. jeff looks pretty good too.


9:12 - britta, who is harley quinned out,  gets the key during the magic show! troy gets a misc. chang 'misc. chang puns' folder, and the code.

9:13 - pierce shows up and fucks up the whole show...he calls down to see if the dean is still there.

but "the pixie has left the toadstool"

9:14 - apparently the plan failing was part of the plan. it's all part of the plan apparently.

9:16 - troy and abed have detained the fake chang, and the rest of the gang has freed the dean.

9:16 - oh, now chang and his crew is here, sarcastic clapping. the gang is captured.

"shirley, when did you get here" - pierce

9:20 - oh no, chang is revealing his awesome evil plan! apparently a keytar solo will trigger a fireworks explosion destroying all permanent records!

"chang you're crazy! you still do keytar" - troy

"fire doesn't go through doors, it's not a ghost!" - chang

"i suppose this is a long shot, but none of you paid my rent, did you?"

9:21 - people are really grooooving to chang's solo. the gang has busted out though, via troy's awesome A/C skills. or he nodded at the AC guy on camera.

"chang has started his solo, i think that gives us about 9 minutes." - abed

apparently the dean has been renting the place out for raves on the weekends (called acade-mania!) "mostly hard house, a little dubstep" but he drops the lights, and blacklights come on. things get all batman forever, but troy and abed get to and deactivate  the bomb.

9:23 - ooooh, lightsabre fight!

but it's broken up by school board guys. the story is broken to them slowly, over parts.
but then this happens.
"what happened to us?"
"well i have a drinking problem."
"we're gonna get fired."
"nobody can sit on something this big."
"I CAN SIT ON IT!" - Dean, who goes Tobias on this shit.

Jeff touches Dean's shoulder and he collapses.

9:25 - now it's time for troy's sad departure.

he tells shirely to never change.
pierce tells him to never wear a rubber.
jeff tells him to never listen to pierce.
he tells annie to let him know what kind of dock is at the end of the pier in the jigsaw puzzle.
britta gives him some hair.
he whispers something to abed.


sorry, we're broken up here.

annie wants to know what he said.

"he said i know you hate it when people do this in movies." abed. then, "i'm sorry i got emotional," and he's off to hide in the pillow fort.

there's a last scene with the dean, who welcomes him

9:29 - crazy! end credits scene is dean trying to convince people to come to school in the morning.

9:30 - aaaaand there's no break between episodes, so we missed a buttload to type up here!  *sad trombone*

9:30 - oh, the dean is a sexy construction worker because he's "build-dean to big news!"  which is that subway is in a disagreement with greendale, and the dean has offered the space to shirley's sandwiches in the interim!  yay!

9:31 - now britta is going to give abed his first therapy session!  her shirt is see-thru and i am...distracted.


9:32 - this show is so amazingly quick and funny, liveblogging it is kind of a joke.  but that's good, right?  it's what the people want?
shit, we hope so.

9:32 - troy is really unhappy in a/c school - john goodman has emerged to tell him to come with him, so he can indoctrinate troy into the annals of a/c.
he misses abed so much!  he just said so!

9:33 - "you are the true repairman, troy.  you fix not only air-conditioners, but the men who fix them.

it's a trade school!  it's a two-year degree in boxes that make stuff cold."  said with so much contempt!  i love this.  it's so star wars...he's obviously meant to save goodman.

9:34 - wow, abed and evil abed are throwing it down - and it seems evil abed will be the one to meet with britta for therapy!  so dangerous!  i can't wait!

9:35 - now shirley is asking jeff to back her up trying to cut pierce out of the business.  i love shirley, and to a lesser degree pierce, but i don't want this storyline right now.

9:35 - "my biology final is at 5.  i'm available from 3-4.  i'll see you in court."

9:35 - OH MY god.  OH  MY GOD
evil abed invited britta into the dreamatorium.  he has his robocop pov, timeline darkness 2%.


9:36 - hahaha jeff doesn't think pierce can outthink him, and pierce grabbed rob corddry, the lawyer who got jeff disbarred in one of season 2's best episodes!


9:39 - "pierce just hired the one man i've spent the last nine months imagining stabbing in the-"

9:39 - i like their dynamic a lot, even though i'm sure they'll end up hilariously fighting each other soon.
"judging amy or judge judy?"

9:40 - oh  man.  britta is terrified of him.  oh no!  he told her he's from the "britta of timelines" and he was sent by "lame abed."  sent there because evil abed is better capable of dealing with fear!  he's entered the dark timeline, and he plans to make it darker.
"tell me about your parents, britta."
hahaha she's totally going to do it
poor britta

9:41 - troy was just released from a/c school for asking too many questions about the vice-dean's death!  conspiracies are afoot...

9:41 - rob corddry is being a douchenozzle, saying shirley doesn't love her baby because she wasn't sure who the father was.

9:42 - what was he wearing?
he was dressed as a dinosaur!

9:42 - abed is ignoring evil abed;

"i'm not crazy, so i'm not talking to you. i'm reading the novelization of the chronicles of riddick?" abed
"can you honestly say that's a saner decision?" evil abed
this all leads to evil abed eventually becoming the one who britta will provide therapy for.

oh my god!  the timeline is 10% darker now!  he is destroying britta by calling her average, inescapably so.
"you're the centre slice of a square cheese pizza.  wait, that sounds delicious.  i'm the centre slice of a square cheese pizza.  you're jim belushi."

9:42 - troy senses the dean somehow!  or evil?  i don't know.  something!

9:42 - (evil) abed is going after jeff now.  "i don't suppose lame abed owns a bonesaw."

9:43 - jeff makes a key play by allowing pierce to tell horrible offensive jokes.

9:44 - 13% darkness!!!

9:44 - "i am the truest repairman!"
he's going to challenge bakkedahl in the sun chamber!  so much is happening at once!
the sun chamber, it's going down, and we're gonna have a victor - maybe closure!

9:45 - "miss daisy's in the house, thanks for the ride, sorry about slavery."
oh man
wait, drew carey's dead?  and somehow rob corddry is blackmailing jeff with this case!  if jeff wins, he can't work at his former firm - or anywhere else!  SOMEHOW!!

9:46 - and the dean just busted in, dressed as "blind justice," which led to him slamming into the table and hitting his fresh tattoo!  i want to see pics!


9:50 - apparently we need popsicles, because it's going to get scalding hot in the sun chamber!  as dennis, who was apparently on crack, has been shrieking!
but he is wrong about one thing - there are rules.
each man is sealed in a unit with a broken machine.  the heat increases until one man wins or one man dies.

9:51 - abed is trying to stop evil abed!  but will it work?
oh my god
that was hilarious!  very idle hands.
look at me, i'm leatherface! (link)

9:51 - aww, shirley.  she wasn't guilting anyone there - just saying a sincere wish for her friend.

9:51 - 95 degrees!  troy begins only now!  and he fixed it immediately.  oh troy!  you are amazing.

9:52 - aww, jeff!  you're spinning the selfishness into something lovely!  and for once, i don't want to punch you in the face.

9:52 - haha, buddy admits to killing the dean!

9:53 - "helping only ourselves is bad, helping each other is good!"
but you know, i've learned something today.

9:53 - the a/c folks were all going to let buddy die!  but instead, troy is inspired by a mitochlorianesque hologram of the late john goodman to fix the second machine.


rob corddry reveals he fucked jeff over and got him disbarred.
jeff: "i know.  and i never got a chance to thank you."

corddry: "this place has made you so gay!"

pierce: "hey!  don't use gay as a derogatory term!  boo yah, good person."
that was...ridiculously gratifying, actually.

troy, in response to the a/c folks convoluted, mythology-adhering plan for their traitor: "no!  take him to the police!  he murdered someone!  take him to jail.  you guys are weird."

haha, troy cuts in to a hug with abed and britta obviously for britta's sake.  and acknowledges he can basically run shit now, because he's "[the a/c school's] messiah."

9:56 - oh my god, the next season will be incredible!  britta being abed's therapist!  the return of the city college dean!  chang on his side!  jeff looking for his bio dad!  shirley's sandwiches is opening!  abed and troy are getting separate bedrooms - so troy and britta can bone, i hope! - and the dreamatorium is painted over!  luckily abed has created a miniature cardboard one in the blanket fort he now inhabits solo.
why is the next season truncated?  there's surely not enough time for all of this hilarity to be realized!

9:59 - "that one tasted like a duck."
i looooove leonard's food reviews.  why isn't his youtube channel real?  come on, dan harmon!  get on that shit!

and what - canadian feed cuts off the end of the finale episode?  weak, tv!  fucking weak!

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